I will go on
by Loopstagirl
Summary: A brother makes a promise.


**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.**

**I have absolutely no idea where this came from. It just came out of nowhere, and before I knew it, I had started writing.**

**Might need a tissue warning on this one.**

You weren't supposed to go. None of us were supposed to go. We were supposed to be the ones saving people, reuniting families as we pulled people free from the wreckage that the world had caused. It definitely wasn't supposed to be our family that was the one falling apart. You weren't even supposed to be on the earth. Who would have thought that a small technical glitch in Five's systems could have led to this?

Standing on the top of the hill, I made no attempt to stop the tears flowing freely down my cheeks. Who cared if someone saw? Who cared if someone wondered why a team member would be so utterly destroyed at the loss of another? I certainly didn't. Let them wonder. I wasn't going to put them right, not when you weren't here, talking away in my ear, reminding me to keep my temper. Who was going to tell me to keep my temper now? Hell, why would I want to keep it? All I wanted to do was rage and shout. And why shouldn't I? All the victims had been pulled free. All but one. And you had to go back in, didn't you, oh brother of mine?

You never were one for merely sitting on the side on the rare occasions that you were down here on a rescue. Always throwing yourself into situations that we would normally take the most advanced equipment with us. Not you. Not our star gazer. You shot in there yourself, a beacon of hope shining like one of your beloved stars, leading the victims to safety. Apart from the one who couldn't walk free. And just like that, you had disappeared back in.

Did you even think about what that did to our little brother, star-man? One moment you were there, the next, a solid wall of impenetrable rock, with no sound coming from your comms. I'll never stop hearing his scream of horror as he realised what this meant. Nor get the image of his bloody hands out of my head as he tried to dig through to you. We both did. Equipment wasn't available, so we did it by hand. The others joined us once they had reached us. Side by side, the four of us scrabbling through the rock, desperately calling through to you at the same time. I would have done anything to hear you answer, we all would have. And yet, no matter how much we begged you to respond to our calls, only the sound of tumbling rock answered us.

We got through eventually. Half of the Terrible Two had collapsed, unable to take that emotion. We kept going though. Whilst the other comforted the youngest of us, we kept going, the two of us. Your immediate older and younger brothers. Side by side, for however many hours, we ploughed through that rock, determined that we would get to you before it was too late.

We already were though. Too late. I pushed him away when I realised what we were about to find. I couldn't let him see you. Not like that. He had to see you the way he last had, a smile on your face as you helped the man through the gap. Not the broken, twisted body that was waiting for me, still determined to protect the victim even now. And you did, brother. He was still alive. I don't know how I got him out of there. It wasn't right. How did he get to be the one to walk away and you didn't? At least he was supposed to have even been there, a comfort for his family. But what comfort was left for us? You had only come on the rescue because you had snuck on Two before we realised you were there. You certainly shouldn't have been back in the cave on your own.

I couldn't even pull you free. Instead, I crawled in. I sat in that dark cave with you, wondering if you could see the stars from where you were now, if you were up there even now, shining down on us. Mocking me for falling apart, reminding me that I was supposed to be the one holding them together again. I had done it before, you would say. I could do it again. But not this time. Not now I'm staring across the vast landscape, not seeing anything that didn't make me see you. You were everywhere, my brother, everywhere I looked. Everything I did, everything I saw, you were there.

You had always been the eye in the sky for us, watching over us as we attempted to save someone. I may have been supposed to direct them, but it was you who directed me. You who gave me the strength to send our little brothers into danger, knowing that I was feeling the same way you were, helpless, out of control. But what about this time? You were supposed to be the one telling me to have faith in them, telling me to trust them to stay safe. I trusted you to stay safe, little brother. I always had. And you never did. Always throwing yourself head first into situations beyond your control. Looks like you jumped one too far this time, star-man.

The sky had darkened by the time I ran out of tears. It had done nothing to help though. The agonising pain was still just as strong as ever, never ever fading. Nor did I want it too. I had failed you, little brother. I was supposed to be the one always protecting you. No matter what, I was going to look after you. Only you took that responsibility out of my hands, didn't you? You made me hurt them, Johnny-boy. You made me tell them what was waiting beyond that wall of rock. You made me hear the anguished scream that came from one of them, collapsing to his knees in denial. You made me feel their pain, share in it, knowing nothing I could do or say was going to save them this time. I had failed them all, I hadn't been able to protect the family. I had watched, even delivered the words, that had torn us apart.

I knew it was time to leave, leave this place once and for all. Leave behind the scene of destruction. But I wasn't really leaving it. A part of me would always be out here, the memories of this day burnt into my mind like a brand. Glancing towards the sky one more time, I turned to go when something caught my tear filled eyes. One star. Shining brighter than the rest. Mocking me. Telling me to pull myself together, that I was needed to stop our family collapsing. That I had done it before, I could do it again. And this time, I believed it.

"I won't fail you again, my brother."

And turning, I walked away.


End file.
